


Ten Steps

by talonyth



Series: prompted [15]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: I have no idea, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-06
Updated: 2014-09-06
Packaged: 2018-02-16 08:32:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2262924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talonyth/pseuds/talonyth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are few things Oikawa regrets, and one thing he hates himself for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ten Steps

There are few things Oikawa regrets. Or so he tells himself. One might be that he never bonded much with his teammates outside of the court. He feels it now that high school is over. It is really just Iwaizumi he still keeps in contact with but they live in different places now. It’s difficult. 

Another thing might be that he has devoted himself to one thing only. Possibly a thing that he will never achieve perfection in. Or at least not the perfection he expects from himself. Although saying he regrets being too much into volleyball would be a mistake. But he thinks about how things would have gone if he had room to think about something else. 

Oddly, nothing comes to mind as he sits on a bench close to a playground. Children’s voices ring through his ears along with parents scolding them for whatever reason. He doesn’t even remember the last time he played on a playground properly. Maybe that is another thing he regrets. 

His hands are buried in the pockets of his jersey. Training was okay today. Nothing out of the ordinary, really. It doesn’t bore him. It’s just always the same. His team is good, no question about it. But there was more he meant to achieve. He still practises in the same city as he lived in, strolling by his old middle school every now and then, by his old high school too. Well, it’s really just been a year since he graduated but still. 

Somehow, he had always wished for more. 

"Oikawa-san?"

Ripped out of his thoughts in the most violent manner, he doesn’t turn his head to the owner of the voice that called out to him. He doesn’t need to in order to know who it is. Oikawa has never forgotten his voice. 

He breathes in, out and straightens his back, his face back to a smile he always wears. 

"Tobio-chan! What a surprise! We haven’t seen each other in a while, have we?"

"Yeah… I guess," Tobio replies and stuffs his hands into his pockets. 

Suddenly, Oikawa is reminded of another thing he has always regretted. But he doesn’t voice it. He doesn’t dare to, not even in his mind, to articulate it. 

"You guess? I’m pretty sure I haven’t seen you again after graduation. What are you up to, huh? Still training at Karasuno or have you given up already?"

Oh, how he wished Tobio would just give up. That would make his life a lot easier. He realizes that by now, Tobio’s in his third year of high school. That means he will soon start to be scouted. He definitely will. There is no question about his abilities. And Tobio will take the chance. 

After graduation, Oikawa had thought of watching high school matches every now and then. After all, he still knows some of the players on court from their first year. Most notably Tobio but also his short accessory. He wonders if they are still trying to be a combo. Probably. Who knows. 

"I don’t give up."

It’s a very short sentence and Oikawa is not surprised to hear. He would have been if Tobio told him he suddenly joined a literature club. Of course he doesn’t. What was this thing he regretted again? He remembered it seconds ago but suddenly it vanished. 

"Yeah, of course you don’t. You’re still as uncute as ever, geez."

He looks over to Tobio who seems as if he wants to say something. Anything. Can’t talk back, huh? Well, he has definitely been a good underclassman. Well-behaved and all despite being of a bold nature. 

Things could have gone different back then. Oikawa wonders, a lot lately as he notices now, what would have happened if him and Tobio had gotten along in middle school. They were there only a single year but still. 

He remembers a pair of shining eyes, a voice determined but never rude, but most of all he remembers that it was the first time he thought someone had an equal view of this sport as he did. 

And he hated it. 

"I have seen your last match."

The words creep up Oikawa’s spine and make him feel uncomfortable. But why? It is not unusual for Tobio to sit at the sidelines and watch him. He has always done that. Always. Staring and analyzing and getting to it faster than Oikawa imagined. 

"Oh, really? I hadn’t told you where I am playing though. How did you know?"

He feels the irritation in his words but Tobio is probably too dense to feel it. He hopes so. 

"I happened to get tickets for it. I’ve been going to see professional matches a lot lately."

"How admirable."

Practically spitting out the words, Oikawa averts his eyes and it makes him feel… what does it make him feel? Angry? But what reason does he have to be angry? There is none. Jealous? At least he already plays in a professional team unlike Tobio. He can’t pinpoint the type of feeling it is. It feels horrible though. Makes him feel sick. 

"I was surprised to see you play for a local team. I was sure you were going to go to Tokyo or larger areas. But as expected you—-"

"Well, surprise, I am not your expectations, Tobio. And to be honest, I couldn’t give less of a shit about what you expected me to do. You also expected me to teach you. You should know by now that I will never meet whatever you expect from me."

Oikawa is sure he has things under control. Usually. Mostly. Often. He barely ever loses it. As soon as he finishes speaking, he remembers something Iwaizumi told him before he moved to Osaka for college. That he needs to quit overthinking things. That he should mind his childish behaviour. 

Childish? Really? Is that what he is? 

Being envious that Tobio liked volleyball as much as he did back then. Jealous that Tobio was younger but already almost as good as him. 2 years of headstart but Tobio was already there. Frustrated being in the same team as Tobio even though he was there first. It was his team but Tobio would take over and be better and more efficient and everyone would love and praise him after he’d graduate and be gone. 

He wished for Tobio to fall. 

Oikawa presses his lips together and remembers. Even though he held the setter award, even though the entire team had told him they’d be lost without him. Even though Tobio wished him good luck when he left, Oikawa remembers wishing for his fall. Even though Tobio had just been there and never seemed hostile, never rude, never like he wanted Oikawa gone. Never like he could surpass him. 

"That’s not true," Tobio says and Oikawa feels caught in the act. He clenches his fists in his pockets and grits his teeth. No, he’s sure that’s not the reason Tobio had become the King of the Court. Just from wishing someone unpleasant things… that doesn’t make them happen. 

"Actually, I expected you to improve the team. Before you joined, they were okay but now it’s a really good team around the area. As expected, you can really draw out whatever is needed from any kind of player, good or not so good."

Praise? Now that he thinks about it, Tobio has never spoken ill of him. He had the occasion. Multiple times. Even now. Knowing he plays for a local team instead of going for a strong one… if it would have been him, he would have made fun of Tobio. But Tobio isn’t like him. Not a single tiny bit. The only thing remnant is their love for volleyball. 

"It’s good to know that you have gotten better. It makes me want to try harder, too. By the time I will graduate, we might be opponents again. I’m excited for that."

Excitement? Praise? Admiration? Oikawa takes a deep breath. No. For all he knows, for all he imagines, Tobio could have been different now. If only he had given him advice. Trained with him. Showed him. If only he would have taken him in. Tobio would have followed his every step. 

Tobio might not have fallen. He might not have grown bitter. He might have never been a tyrant. 

Because Oikawa remembers now, when he went to middle school with him, he wasn’t like that at all. He had wondered when he went to watch Kitaiichi’s matches after he left. When did he become like this? It was shock he felt, and deep deep down the guilt that never did anything good to Tobio. 

But he never blamed him. Tobio never blamed him, never yelled at him how it is all his fault how messy things went for him, never held a grudge against him. He never did the same things that Oikawa did. 

"Now you’re excited but I’ll see how excited you are when you lose. Don’t get over yourself, Tobio," he says as he stands up. His legs are shaking and he prays Tobio doesn’t notice. A grin is latched onto his face to hide the vile thoughts he had. 

"I’ll see you on court in a few, then. Don’t forget to get cuter for next time."

He doesn’t wait for Tobio to reply. It takes two steps to pass by him, another two steps to hear Tobio turning around and a total of ten steps away to listen to quiet footsteps heading into the exact opposite direction. 

There are few things Oikawa regrets, and one thing he hates himself for. But he doesn’t think about it. Not again. Never again.

**Author's Note:**

> sooo i had a prompt called "It's all YOUR fault!" and i know i could have done 23874298353746537845638 better things than this but i really wanted oikawa to despair over something that is not entirely his fault. let us not talk about how i think kageyama had wanted to be a good leader like his senpai and failed miserably and thus became what he became. shhhh


End file.
